To Whoever May Care

To whoever may care,

So this weekend has been great I’ve been around friends and don’t feel that bad, I can’t say I’m completely happy but I’m better, although it’s gonna suck tomorrow because I get to go back to exams and sit in the gymnasium and stare at the back of K and Mcmiller’s heads.

I hate myself so much, for having ever loved K and for hating him now. I get so angry at him, I start to feel the hate well up inside me, and then I think What are you doing? This is the boy you love more than anything you’ve ever seen feel or thought of, and you have the nerve to hate him? Then I turn my anger on myself. On friday durring exams I chewed my lip raw.

Why is it that the nice people never win? Why do they always get screwed over? Is it because they are so truting that people just have to take advantage of them? Is it that being nice makes you weak and vulnerable? No. Being nice does not mean you are weak. It means you are brave enough to believe that people are good, that they deserve chances. If you are mean then you’re just fearful, cowardly, and closed off.

To whoever may care,

Last night was the most fun I’ve had in forever. So S, my friend I haven’t named yet who’s name is T, G and my new neighbor C, went to the mall and saw the Avengers. That movie makes me cry, and laugh, it’s like the best fucking movie ever. After the movie we took G home and then we drove around in S’s golfcart the town yelling out songs and at people. C gave the finger to this one other golfcart we saw with three guys in. Then you would believe this, hey started to follow us!

At first we thought they were mad but then turns out they were trying to hit on us. They were doped up and not that great looking. But C and I were making jokes about how we haven’t had any “action” in forever. So we ended up with a bunch of stoners following us round for a while and then they gave up, which made us all kind of sad.

To whoever may care,

So today was our first of exams. I had two today, two hours each, though I usually finish early and take a nap so that’s what I did today too. Because if I had stayed awake I would have gone nuts. My seat had perfect view of K and Mcmiller. I blocked K on facebook earlier this week but not before a saw a post that he made with a comment from Mcmiller calling him “pretty boy” I got so mad, when I saw her today all I could think was “She called him pretty boy. She called him pretty boy. How dare she.” Then I would remember anybody can call him any form of flattery they want except me, because if I said it to him it would seem clingy and pathetic but when they do it it’s flirty. 

To whoever may care,

So at my school each grade has a facebook group and this one girl posted asking who all the people moving are and then this one bitch I hate said she’s moving and now I’m like:

Okay I know it’s a lot of dancing GIFs but seriously this bitch has been at school with me since I got here, and every time she found out which boy I liked she would hit on him or date him.

She did it when she was MY BEST FRIEND, and then when I dated K she would pretty much give him a lap-dance when I wasn’t around to see it. So she also made me really insecure in my relationships because she was able to get the attention of the boys Like instead of me, so I am so glad she’s finally going to be gone, because I no longer have to worry about her being a bitch, dating the boys I like and rubbing it in my face.

She would only be nice to me in math class because the 10th graders she was trying to impress liked me, because well, I’m not a back stabbing, snide, wannabe, “too cool for school”, bitch, like she is. Believe me that girl has some nerve pretending she likes me, just so that the people who like me will be her friend.

She made S feel like shit, after S and P broke up, this bitch dated P and you know what she did, when ever S was within earshot she would make sure she was talking about P just to get under S’s skin. When I was invited to hangout places by her I would ask if S could come and she would say “I don’t think she would fit in.” When the other people going were S’s friends too. She pushes us into lockers, kicks out bags, and steps on them. She brags about how she’s such a bad ass, because she’s underage goes out to clubs drinks, and makes out with a bunch of strange men. Apparently she is holding the record for the most make-out sessions in the shortest amount of time. I know it’s a persons right to do what ever they wants with their body, but it just seems desperate when she tells everyone about it and to me it’s disgusting. I would like to keep my own make-out records between me and my close friends, not the entire student body and even college alumni that were here last year.

To whoever may care,

S went to see therapy yesterday. She said she really liked her. B and her go to the same therapist, which is good, they both really like her a lot. I hope S gets better that therapy helps. According to B and S all you do is just talk for an hour. S is really open about everything now. Well not everything but most things, I think she’s just trying to show us that she’s getting better.

To K,
Remember how we used to talk for hours. Remember when we were envied for our love? Remember when we said for ever? Remember how we would hold on to each other so tight it was like the wind would take one of us away? Remember when you smiling made me blush? Yeah, also one last thing remember when the only way to end our story was happily ever after?
Well, happily ever after my ass.